Dog days of school

"YUKI!"

My teacher slapped the ruler onto my desk, inches away from my head.

[['Let the game begin']]

"GIANT FLYING CHICKENS!!!"

[['Oh, strike one.']]

My head shot up when I heard the loud 'THWACK' of the teacher's ruler on my hollow desk. Although, Truthfully, I was glad that it hadn't been my hollow head.

"What is it?" I asked as I stretched, semi-annoyed that my nap had been disturbed.

"I'm so sorry to have woken you from your peaceful slumber, but I wanted to know if you could tell the class the answer to the problem on the board?"

Sarcasm. There are very few things on this earth that really get under my skin, but when teachers attempt to be funny and witty via sarcasm... BINGO! I decided to, for once in my life, keep my cool and just play along.

"Thank you for asking. I'm grateful, but if you don't mind I think I'll go back to my nap. I was having the greatest dream before you woke me up, and if you don't mind, I would like to try and get it back."

I went to lay my head back onto my desk... THWACK! There was that stupid ruler again. Only this time, it wasn't the poor desk that was forced to feel its wrath.

[['I spoke too soon.']]

I sat there rubbing my pounding head for a few seconds.

[['Strike two. One more and I'm out.']]

I looked at the thing that was supposed to be recognized as my teacher, but was barely recognizable as a monster.

"Oh, really? So what was this dream of yours about?"

I knew, deep down, that the minute I opened my big fat mouth I would lose this game, but to hell with it. I was 100% positive that I was going to the principal's anyhow.

"I'm not sure. It was a little graphic." I said, trying to sound innocent.

"Well, don't let me hold you back. I won't get mad, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die."

[['Oh how I wish he would. Or could for that matter.']]

Oh well. I kissed my freedom after school good-bye, for the rest of the month.

"Well I guess I'll tell you. Seeing as of how you're begging me to." I tried to make my voice sound as perky and preppy as physically possible.

"Well, it started with Mr Lucifer walking down this pretty meadow..." I saw him twitch as I said this, "... with a teacher of the year award." I looked up at Mr. Lucifer as I started my story.

[['I can't believe he hasn't killed me yet... he actually looks like he's buying this crap.']]

I continued after seeing my best friends' reactions. Shiba just sighed, and Kira egged me on. Oh yes she was. She had the thumbs up, huge smile, and everything.

[['It's amazing I haven't been arrested yet.']]

"Well you stopped to tie your shoe when, out of nowhere, these two HUGE lions jumped you and started to tear you to shreds."

I jumped on my desk for extra impact. It worked too, half the class burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter. Naturally Kira was laughing the hardest. I stood on the desk waving my arms around for the rest of the story. I was now completely into what I was saying, and therefore, ignored the Mr. Lucifer. Instead, I turned the story into third person.

"Then, before they were able to kill him, he slipped down a cliff right into a pit of starving GREAT WHITE SHARKS!"

I shouted and scared the rest of the class. Those that had still been sleeping where now awake and asking others what was going on.

"The largest one there took his arm and started to shake..." I was cut off mid-sentence.

"YUKI! That's enough!" Our teacher yelled. His face was beat red err-... redder than normal.

[['Strike three and I'm out.']]

I got down off the desk.

"But you asked me to tell everyone what my dream was about." Once again, I brought as much innocence as I could manage into my voice.

But, I could tell he wasn't falling for it. Well, I guess that laughing really doesn't convince a teacher that you're innocent. Who would've known?

"TO THE PRINCIPAL'S NOT MS. KYROCHE!!!"

He was pissed and his face was changing shades of red. I quickly gathered my stuff and headed towards the door. But, before I exited the room completely, I turned around.

"And then they took the arm RIGHT OFF!! Blood stained the..." I barely managed to dodge the chair that Mr. Lucifer had thrown, and ran out of the room to the sanctuary of the hallway.

[['Who would've known that there were four strikes to this game? That first one must have been a foul.']]

I stopped at one of the tables that were placed in front of another teacher's door and proceeded to put my stuff away; I wasn't in a big hurry.

[['Who in their right mind would be in a hurry to go see the principal?']]

I watched as one of the goody-two-shoes of the school go speed walking towards the office.

[['Why does she feel the need to disgrace my family... teacher's pet.']]

I shook my head. My elder sister was nothing but a disgrace to our family. Well, my weirdo extended family that is. I almost regret taking her in off the street.

[['I guess she doesn't really count... since I said right mind...']]

I took out one of my journals and wrote down yet another note. #7: Make up a dramatic story about them dying, via animal mauling. I looked at the list that was on the paper;

How to p'o a teacher:

#1: Offer to give them dating lessons. (Young teachers really don't like this one.)

#2: Use the excuse "My dog ate my homework". (Just about near kills the older teachers, especially if your dog - or vampire in my case - really did.)

#3: Pretend to be drunk and start to randomly sing "Who let the dogs out" while dancing on the table. (The class may be busting guts, but I can guarantee that the teacher won't.)

#4: Pretend to have a heart attack. (Not only do the teachers not like this one, the medics don't think it's funny either.)

#5: Play the blame game. (They really don't like making fun of other teachers, even if they make fun of the students all the time. Who would've thought?)

#6: Crack jokes whenever possible in Drama class. (To puke or not to puke that is the question. Wait... I'LL BE RIGHT BACK! Yea, they really don't like this one.)

#7: Make up a dramatic story about them dying, via animal mauling.

I looked up at the clock.

[['I guess that I should be getting back to the principal's office now.']]

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Uh oh, what has Yuki gotten herself into? What will happen with the principal?... And what was up with the giant chicken outburst? Stay tuned to find out.

<3>

Juliet's First - Chapter 1

"My bounty is as deep as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite."

-------------------------------------

"Alex. It's your turn!"

The bright mahogany eyes suddenly snapped back to the sheet and with her face flushed, "Romeo, O Romeo... Where... wherefore art thou..." The classroom erupted in a sea of laughter as she stuttered out the sentence, cutting her abruptly off.

"Children. Quiet down now." The soft humming tone of Ms. D'Astolat quickly chided the kids back to silence as Alex sat, red as a beet, under the scrutiny of her fellow classmates. The teacher's lush lips smiled apologetically at their young Juliet, but it was the tolling bell to end class that really saved Alexis, "Alright. Everyone practice at home. The class performance is in two weeks. Make sure you call and talk to one another."

The class filed out around Alexis as they snickered, and the young succubi stood from her seat slowly and took a deep shaky breath. How could she have agreed to this? She was two weeks away and hadn't been able to focus on her part yet. She should have had it memorized--she was really good at memorizing pieces and parts, and she'd always been really good at Shakespeare. That was why she was immediately chosen to be Juliet, but...

"Alex! Come on around, Silly. It's okay!" She snapped her head up. There he was--Romeo. She hadn't realized the class would pick Tony as Romeo, "It's okay that you're not catching on fast! We'll go practice lines after school, yeah? I told Ash I was gonna go catch snakes in the creek!

"C-catch snakes?" Alexis blinked a few times, holding the script against her bosom like it might just save her heart from beating out of her. It wasn't like she wasn't with Tony all the time--not like every time she saw him she didn't go a little crazy, but to play opposite him in a romance that was ages old... She just didn't know how to focus at all.

"Yeah, catch snakes. I do it occasionally--bring 'em home and show 'em off. They're way cool. But today we can just go down and run lines, okay?" He headed for the door, his very presence seeming to pull her along with him.

Being near Tony made Alexis' head light. She enjoyed each smile, each goofy statement. He was everything she ever wanted in a guy, but...

He was a vampire.

She and he weren't supposed to talk or socialize, not even stand to look the other one's way, and yet here she was. They were great friends, if nothing else... and Alex was thoroughly in love with him, and he didn't.. really notice.

When she had showed up, they had arranged to take almost all their classes together. The only reason Tony was even in drama this second semester was to be with her. Next was math, then from there, science, and then they had their one class apart. Each day Alex got up for school knowing that she'd meet Tony by the arch on the opposite side of the school from where her older sister set foot on campus. Each day she knew he'd be standing there with that same smile he had every time they met in the park as little kids.

The next bell rang, and all Alex could think about was when the day would be over.

Dance, Dance Part One

Salad Days

Dance, Dance…Even Though I Don’t Want To

Wormwood High is a high school filled with supernatural students and staff. It also has one vampire with enough vengeance to have the greatest of desires to kill everyone.

But that’s not important right now…

It was second period on this high school and everyone was watching announcements on the class monitors. In order to make the school a little bit more fun, the vice principle allowed a small game show to run for five minutes. Unfortunately that might be too much time.

Ash: (under her breath) “I can’t believe I’m doing this. Okay, welcome to Wormwood Jeopardy or whatever…This round is about to end but before we do let’s take a look at the scores. We have Big Ben with an amazing score of eight points. This is amazing because every question is worth one hundred. Still not sure how he got eight but whatever. Next we have that creepy Tristy girl with a score of minus two hundred points.”

Tristy: (timidly, almost whispering) …yes…thank you…

Ash: “And finally, my brother Tony who, for some reason, found it necessary to dress up and act like Sean Connery.”

Tony: (with a faux Sean Connery accent) “Damn you and your daily doubles ya’ brigged. One day it’ll be my turn.”

Ash: “I would like to add that he has a score of minus two thousand points.”

Tony: “Only on a count of villainy.”

Ash: “I am going to kick your butt when we get home. Now the last question of the last category is ‘Months that start with Feb-.’ And the answer is…This is the only month that starts with Feb-.”

Tony: “Feb-tober!”

Ash: “Wrong.”

Tristy: (timidly, almost whispering) “What is…Feb-today?”

Ash: “No. Ben please answer so I can leave…and…someone turned him off. The answer of course was February. In fact, it’s this month.”

Tony: “Ah-HA! A trick question!”

Ash: “Right. A trick question, anyway, that’s it, I’m leaving.”

The monitors buzzed with static for a moment as it changed back to the announcements.

Ms. D'Freya: “Anyway, one more note before we close this mornings announcements. The school’s Valentine’s Dance has been moved from its original time to this evening. That’s all the announcements. Have a good day.”

The entire student body panicked as each hurried to find dates quicker than usual. At around fourth period, one student managed to find her way into the dark corner of the cosmetology center. She asked the only male student there to do her hair as quickly as possible. He set aside his murderous intent for the sake of style.

Alexis: “Could you hurry it up a little? I have to get to lunch soon.”

Todd: “Miss, I have three pairs of scissors and four razors. Shut up or I’ll stab you.”

Alexis: “Sorry, but if I would have known that they would move the dance to tonight I would have asked him sooner.”

Todd: “Who?”

Alexis: “Antonio.”

Todd: “Ash’s little brother?”

Alexis: “Yeah. Are you gonna ask anyone?”

Todd: “I don’t ‘do’ social functions. FINISHED!!!”

Alexis was spun around only to gasp in delight as she saw that her hair and make up was done to epitomize beauty.

Alexis: “Wow, it’s amazing.”

Todd: “Out.”

Alexis: “What?”

Todd: (Screaming) “OUT!”

Alexis ran out of the room, while Todd brooded away in the corner.

Meanwhile, the usual gang of friends, Arden, Brandon, Mike and Drew, were in their usual place at lunch. Arden is sitting backwards, facing away from the table, while everyone else eats lunch.

Mike: “So, anyone got any last minute dates for that dance?”

Brandon: “Shut up.”

Arden: “Oo, and survey says…RE-jected.”

Brandon mumbled angrily while his friend laughed to himself.

Arden: “Listen man, you just gotta get past this. You face forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage.”

As soon as he said that, something flew down from the sky and smacked him behind his head so hard, he fell forward.

Brandon: (Laughing) “You should learn to take your own advice.”

Arden: (as he gets up) “What the hell was that?”

As Arden turned around, his friends saw a small brown bat latched to his head.

Tony: “Your head feels like a puppy.”

Arden grabbed Tony and peeled him off his head. He turned forward to dangle the little bat over what used to be his lunch.

Arden: “Tony, man, what the hell?”

Tony: “Sorry, I just seriously had to get outta class.”

Brandon: “Why the rush?”

Tony: “All the girls in my class started jumping me when they found out the dance was tonight.”

Mike: “Guess they just needed a date, fast?”

Arden: (sarcastically) “Aw, is that all Tony? A buncha girls wanna go out with you? What’s next? Is your house too nice? Do have too many friends? Are you too rich? (yelling, almost squeezing him) LET ME HELP YOU TONY!

Tony: (wheezing) “I can’t breef (breathe).”

Brandon: (taking Tony away from Arden) Calm down. Tony probably has a good reason for not wanting a date…either that or it’s a weird reason.”

Tony: “I don’t wanna go because of a bunch of reasons. But seriously, I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but Ash has a pink s-ur-prise for everyone going to tonight’s dance.”

Mike: “I guess that means none of us are going. The last time Ash had a ‘surprise’ I ended up going to heaven, and not the good one.”

Tony: “I can’t figure out how to get rid of the chicks jumping me. What do I do?”

Arden: “Hey, I know what let’s do.”

Brandon: “Isn’t that a trip?”

Arden: “You’ve seen every episode of Invader ZiM like twenty times right? Just pull out some GiR-like tactics to freak them out.”

Mike: “Isn’t that immature?”

Arden: “So?”

Mike: “Tony, maybe can just warn everyone about what Ash is going to do. This is your chance to be the bigger man.”

Tony: (after wiggling out of Brandon’s hand) “I DON’T WANNA BE THE BIGGER MAN! I wanna be small and mean…like a scorpion. (Tony raises his wings in front of him mimicking a scorpion’s pinchers) You’ll be distracted by my pinchers and then WHA-CHA! I get you with my stinger.”

Mike: “Yeah, but after you do that your stinger is going to fall off and you’re going to die.”

Everyone stopped to stare at Mike for a little while.

Tony: “That’s a bee, stupid.”