Dance, Dance Part One

Salad Days

Dance, Dance…Even Though I Don’t Want To

Wormwood High is a high school filled with supernatural students and staff. It also has one vampire with enough vengeance to have the greatest of desires to kill everyone.

But that’s not important right now…

It was second period on this high school and everyone was watching announcements on the class monitors. In order to make the school a little bit more fun, the vice principle allowed a small game show to run for five minutes. Unfortunately that might be too much time.

Ash: (under her breath) “I can’t believe I’m doing this. Okay, welcome to Wormwood Jeopardy or whatever…This round is about to end but before we do let’s take a look at the scores. We have Big Ben with an amazing score of eight points. This is amazing because every question is worth one hundred. Still not sure how he got eight but whatever. Next we have that creepy Tristy girl with a score of minus two hundred points.”

Tristy: (timidly, almost whispering) …yes…thank you…

Ash: “And finally, my brother Tony who, for some reason, found it necessary to dress up and act like Sean Connery.”

Tony: (with a faux Sean Connery accent) “Damn you and your daily doubles ya’ brigged. One day it’ll be my turn.”

Ash: “I would like to add that he has a score of minus two thousand points.”

Tony: “Only on a count of villainy.”

Ash: “I am going to kick your butt when we get home. Now the last question of the last category is ‘Months that start with Feb-.’ And the answer is…This is the only month that starts with Feb-.”

Tony: “Feb-tober!”

Ash: “Wrong.”

Tristy: (timidly, almost whispering) “What is…Feb-today?”

Ash: “No. Ben please answer so I can leave…and…someone turned him off. The answer of course was February. In fact, it’s this month.”

Tony: “Ah-HA! A trick question!”

Ash: “Right. A trick question, anyway, that’s it, I’m leaving.”

The monitors buzzed with static for a moment as it changed back to the announcements.

Ms. D'Freya: “Anyway, one more note before we close this mornings announcements. The school’s Valentine’s Dance has been moved from its original time to this evening. That’s all the announcements. Have a good day.”

The entire student body panicked as each hurried to find dates quicker than usual. At around fourth period, one student managed to find her way into the dark corner of the cosmetology center. She asked the only male student there to do her hair as quickly as possible. He set aside his murderous intent for the sake of style.

Alexis: “Could you hurry it up a little? I have to get to lunch soon.”

Todd: “Miss, I have three pairs of scissors and four razors. Shut up or I’ll stab you.”

Alexis: “Sorry, but if I would have known that they would move the dance to tonight I would have asked him sooner.”

Todd: “Who?”

Alexis: “Antonio.”

Todd: “Ash’s little brother?”

Alexis: “Yeah. Are you gonna ask anyone?”

Todd: “I don’t ‘do’ social functions. FINISHED!!!”

Alexis was spun around only to gasp in delight as she saw that her hair and make up was done to epitomize beauty.

Alexis: “Wow, it’s amazing.”

Todd: “Out.”

Alexis: “What?”

Todd: (Screaming) “OUT!”

Alexis ran out of the room, while Todd brooded away in the corner.

Meanwhile, the usual gang of friends, Arden, Brandon, Mike and Drew, were in their usual place at lunch. Arden is sitting backwards, facing away from the table, while everyone else eats lunch.

Mike: “So, anyone got any last minute dates for that dance?”

Brandon: “Shut up.”

Arden: “Oo, and survey says…RE-jected.”

Brandon mumbled angrily while his friend laughed to himself.

Arden: “Listen man, you just gotta get past this. You face forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage.”

As soon as he said that, something flew down from the sky and smacked him behind his head so hard, he fell forward.

Brandon: (Laughing) “You should learn to take your own advice.”

Arden: (as he gets up) “What the hell was that?”

As Arden turned around, his friends saw a small brown bat latched to his head.

Tony: “Your head feels like a puppy.”

Arden grabbed Tony and peeled him off his head. He turned forward to dangle the little bat over what used to be his lunch.

Arden: “Tony, man, what the hell?”

Tony: “Sorry, I just seriously had to get outta class.”

Brandon: “Why the rush?”

Tony: “All the girls in my class started jumping me when they found out the dance was tonight.”

Mike: “Guess they just needed a date, fast?”

Arden: (sarcastically) “Aw, is that all Tony? A buncha girls wanna go out with you? What’s next? Is your house too nice? Do have too many friends? Are you too rich? (yelling, almost squeezing him) LET ME HELP YOU TONY!

Tony: (wheezing) “I can’t breef (breathe).”

Brandon: (taking Tony away from Arden) Calm down. Tony probably has a good reason for not wanting a date…either that or it’s a weird reason.”

Tony: “I don’t wanna go because of a bunch of reasons. But seriously, I’m not supposed to tell anyone, but Ash has a pink s-ur-prise for everyone going to tonight’s dance.”

Mike: “I guess that means none of us are going. The last time Ash had a ‘surprise’ I ended up going to heaven, and not the good one.”

Tony: “I can’t figure out how to get rid of the chicks jumping me. What do I do?”

Arden: “Hey, I know what let’s do.”

Brandon: “Isn’t that a trip?”

Arden: “You’ve seen every episode of Invader ZiM like twenty times right? Just pull out some GiR-like tactics to freak them out.”

Mike: “Isn’t that immature?”

Arden: “So?”

Mike: “Tony, maybe can just warn everyone about what Ash is going to do. This is your chance to be the bigger man.”

Tony: (after wiggling out of Brandon’s hand) “I DON’T WANNA BE THE BIGGER MAN! I wanna be small and mean…like a scorpion. (Tony raises his wings in front of him mimicking a scorpion’s pinchers) You’ll be distracted by my pinchers and then WHA-CHA! I get you with my stinger.”

Mike: “Yeah, but after you do that your stinger is going to fall off and you’re going to die.”

Everyone stopped to stare at Mike for a little while.

Tony: “That’s a bee, stupid.”